Chaos

After reaching the bottleneck at Kanto Lampo Waterfall last time, I decided to temporarily let go of all the “standard compositions,” “precise exposures,” and photographs designed to win the favour of the algorithm.

Instead, I simply picked up my camera and walked into the streets of Ubud with no preparation, photographing the chaos around me. Compared to the “perfection” that I had been taught to pursue, this felt much closer to what I saw as “reality.”

Unlike my usual approach to landscape photography, where I obsess over stability and image quality, I instinctively chose a slow shutter speed of 1/10s. At times, I even deliberately pushed the ISO all the way to 25600, embracing a look of motion blur, heavy noise, and high contrast reminiscent of Daido Moriyama.

With my camera in my hands, surrounded by the chaos of the streets, I felt chaotic myself. I didn't know where I was supposed to place my focus. On the people walking down the street? The harsh headlights of passing vehicles? Or the puddles of water on the ground?

I mindlessly raised my camera, forgetting every rule of composition, every principle I had learned, and simply followed my instincts. Shoot, shoot, shoot.

While I was photographing, I was completely absorbed. But afterwards, I was left with a strange sense of emptiness. What was I actually photographing for? What is photography to me? And what am I truly trying to pursue?

There is something slightly ironic about it. The reason I bought my first camera in the first place was because of Instagram. I saw people constantly posting photographs from their travels, and I envied them. I wanted to be able to do the same. But the more I learned about photography, the more I realised that it was not such a superficial thing after all.

Photography can materialise my worldview, my life, and my emotions. It can compress the habits, decisions, preferences, and experiences that I have accumulated throughout my life into a single moment, and present that moment for both myself and others to see. My photography is a way for me to express myself. What I photograph is the “Xavier Li” of that particular moment.